Yes. I know. Bit fucking sad, isn't it, when the very highlights of a mans existence amount to winding a mate up now and then! Even sadder that I'm now sat here, virtually crying with laughter at the mere memory of it!
Sad, but true though. Pat's simply the only person I can expect to see, more than once in an average week. He also, somehow, just brings out the mischief in me! Getting him going is one my harmless little pleasures in life.
Anyway; As anyone from Jim's would probably know by now, I've bought myself an Electric Fly Killer. Ye know, the things with steel grills enclosing ultra violet strip lights. Ye see them in butchers shops and shit. Flies go snap, crackle and pop on them.
So, I've bought myself one and, as it was coming by Courier, had it directed to my local, in town. Pat then fetched it back with him when he ran into town in his van, today.
It also happens that my back's giving me some shit, today. Made a wrong move yesterday, trying to avoid my donkey, and have ripped a muscle in my back. So, it's not 'gone'. It's just fucking sore and tending to 'ping'.
That's why I was on my knees at the back of Pat's van as I examined my fantastic new EFK. Bending and lifting isn't the best policy, right now.
Pat was sitting in the back doorway and I was explaining the principle of how these things operate. The Ultra Violet light tubes attracting the insect so that it flies in and touches the electrified grid.
Then, Pat must have asked me some innocent question, such as; " Do they always hit the grid then? " And, straight away, I knew I had to do it! (Readers from Jim's will probably have read this one already. But, this is what I told Pat .....)
" One time I was in Hugh Logans, the Butchers, shop. Saw the most amazing thing: A fly was flying round the shop and flew towards the EFK. Then it had a heart attack! Dead in the air it was.
But, its momentum carried its little dead body straight into Hugh's Excalibur. The corpse hit the electrified grill and Snap!!!
Know what? Fuckin' belt of electricity restarted the flies little heart and it fucked off out the door. None the worse or wiser! "
Pat stared at me. Open mouthed and wide eyed in aghast. " Ye Not serious?!? " He breathed ..........
Fucking good job I was on my knees. Because, seeing That reaction? I'd have fucking doubled over and fell to them anyway!
Strike Two to Ditch!
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