I'm Free ....!

 Nicotine free. Un fucking believable! After forty years of smoking, I gave up the fags and turned to Snus. After a year on Snus ..... I've been off That since this year.

 It's all down to " Phil' ". Philomena. Landlady of my local. Most sweet and caring woman I've ever known. Having had that pig flu' for a week, from new years day, I'd not been near the snus for a week, I guess.

 Mentioned this, in passing, to Phil', just as casual conversation. Only, she misconstrued what I was getting at. I'd Never intended snus as a way off smoking, let alone off nicotine altogether.

But, she took it that I was saying I was clean. I'd won some fight I'd never even considered myself in. She clasped her hands together and looked at me like ..... I don't know. But it broke my heart, right there, to think I could ever disappoint her.

 That day, I knew, I could never put even snus in my mouth again. Never have.

Gave what I had left to Dean O'. Never ordered my regular quota. Just 'Got over it'.

  Funny as fuck, actually. I'd drain the last suck from a mug of tea? ' Snus!!!! '. The urge would slam into me like a train! And be gone, just as fast.

  Weird little shit, like that. Like how a smoker will push their plate away and reach for their fags, automatically. Little things would make me 'Need' snus.

 Even going out my gate. It triggered the response of getting all the way up the track, going to chat with Pat'. Then realising I'd left my 'baccy at home. Couldn't possibly relax and chat without a fag. Forgetting my snus was the same.

Now? Those 'Flash Back', split second moments have lessened to the point where I really can't remember the last time I even had one.

My name is Ditch Shitter. I no longer need, nor crave, nicotine. I'm free.