Here's One For My Fellow 'Pesters'!

Ye'll appreciate this one, lads ....! In town yesterday and, as I do, I went to my local which I use as a base. I fetch my shopping back there and drop it off before going out for some more.

So, there's a bunch of local lads stood around outside, having a crafty fag. Even as I approached them, I can here the under chorus of " Here he is! This is ye man! He'll know what to do! ". I'd been here before. My mood was already souring.

" Here, Ditch; Ye man here has a wasps nest. Driving him crazy! What's he to do about it? " I just stopped. Sighed. Looked their spokesman hard in the eye for a bit. Then said, with just the merest hint of suggestion: " He calls me ....? "

Ye know the routine. First they look completely baffled. Then, for that split second, their expression darkens as they look at ye as if ye some cunt who's just in some way insulted them. Then the realisation dawns with them that ye just didn't get what they were talking about.

" Naaaaah, naah! " He perks up again. " He has a Wasps Nest. What should he do with it? Drop of diesel ....? "

If my bag wasn't a shoulder one, and empty at that point. I'd have dumped it on the ground. So, for the full effect, just imagine me dumping Two bags, full of shopping, either side of my feet. I heaved a big sigh. Then I put my face closer to this guys. Looked right into his eyes. And I said, very plainly and clearly:

" He gets a DR5 ..... One or two Extension Lances ..... Bucket of Ficam D ..... " Of course, before I could even get to Bee Suit. Thousands of pounds worth of Training. Years of fucking Experience. So on and so forth, this guys face has frozen into a slack mouthed, bulging eyed, absolute picture of purest incomprehansion.

He just couldn't get it. When will they fucking ever?!

I picked up my bags and pushed on into the pub.