Thanks for the Memory .....

Oh well ..... " You Will notice the difference! ". All the Geeks that ever were told me that. Just get my RAM sorted out and I'd see a hell of an improvement in this LT's performance. This despite me swearing,up down and sideways, that the problem I have is that Vodafone are cunts. And that they'd capped my 'speed' at 236.8kbs the very moment they realised I actually wanted to Use this fucking thing. Not just dash in to check for short e mails once a night.

But, anyway; Who am I to argue with the Geeks? I know fuck all about computers ~ no where near as much as I do about human nature and the staggering greed of big businesses. So, today, Dean O' and I went into the nearest 'Big Town' ~ Carrick On Shannon ~ and visited a Geeks shop there. " Bits and PC's "

Derek's a nice enough guy. We found him sitting behind his crowded little desk, in his crowded little room at the top of the stairs. His space wouldn't even add up to a half decent bed sit. Two, tiny rooms. One the shop. The other a little hole into which he retreats, alone, to mess with the insides of PC's.

He didn't even need to go in there to sort my Memory out though. Just produced a screw driver and a little bit of stuff. Took a little cover off the underside of my Lap Top and revealed the fact that there was nothing in there! No chip.

I believe he then explained this in more detail. How the thing was running on some RAM which was an integral part of the inner system? I don't know. My hearing's so bad I hear little enough of what people say to me these days. But I watched him put a chip in. My machine is now pushing nearly 500MB of RAM. Maxed out. Hasn't made shit difference.

Well, to be brutally honest? I got home. Attached my Vodafone 3G Modem and fired her up. I almost shit myself! Before I could say " XP ", I was sat here staring, in amazement, at my Desk Top. I don't think I've ever seen my system load so fast in all my life. Truly incredible.

Then I fired up the modem and asked for a page ..... and sat here. Watching. Waiting. Resigned. 236.8kbs. Vodafone truly are cunts. For £15.00 though, it was worth a spin. At least I can now shave a minute or two off the wastage of my day. Hit that button and Flash! I have my Desk Top before me.

Not to end on such a banal and pointless note though; I also bought a freshly reconditioned PC off Derek. £100. All singing and dancing. Just the box. But, it means that if, or when, this old work horse finally coughs, farts and dies ~ probably about mid evening, after every where's long since shut for the day ~ I only have to fetch in my other PC, plug my bits into it and pretty much get straight back to work.

Best of all though is my freaky Key Board! I'm a two finger typist and my finger nails are hard as all hell ~ especially on the plastic of key board buttons. I tend to dig the characters off inside six months. What ever remains, I tend to hide beneath a thick coat of spilled tea and beer. That's why I found the concept of a Rubber Key Board irresistible.

Waterproof? Completely. Hopefully less prone to getting dug to fuck by my nails too. But, here's what Really freaks me out!

It's Bendy As A Dish Cloth!

I mean ~ seriously; How fucked up is That?!

I've Lost My Memory! (Crucial Pt. 2)

Jesus bloody wept! Just got a PM from one of their Moddies;

" Your order didn't import into our system, due to a decline from your credit card company when we attempted to authorize the card. We unfortunately do not receive any details, as they for privacy reasons refuse to give them out. The easiest way for you to resolve this is to place a new order, and then contact your credit card company or bank and make sure that they know this is a charge that you have authorized. We apologize for any inconvenience. "

And it's taken them a month, and a public poking from me, to get round to telling me that?! FFS! It took me over thirty minutes to open the damn PM! That's how screwed I am here, without this Memory.

I can only imagine the initial fault is down to another of Natwest's ever more zealous and nannying 'security measures'?

Either way, I'm gutted. Now I have to go back to the original forum. Find the post the guys advised me on. Check out the other supplier (!!!) and see about ordering this damn memory, all over again.

And, this time, we'll all be watching closely. Right? If I don't see it in a week? I'll be all over them.

Fucked if I'm sitting, good naturedly, about for another fucking Month this time around!

Be nice and people just piss all over ye, eh? FFS!

" Crucial " Memory ? Forget Them!

So, this machine of mine is absolutely on its knees, yeah? Fucking thing can barely manage to open an e mail. Situation's getting so bad, I'm looking at computer shopping. One message it keeps chucking at me is how my 'Windows Virtual Memory Is Too Low', or something.

Ok. Off to a geek heavy forum I go. I explain this to them. They have me flash up various ~ to me ~ completely meaningless internal reports from inside this thing and, Bingo! They say it's just Memory. Easy, peasy, lemon fucking squeazy. Go here. Buy This. Unscrew That. Touch something. Slot the Memory in. Screw. Job done. Fire her up and fly like a bird. Great!

So, one of these guys points out a couple of suppliers of just what I need. " Only, 'Crucial' is just marginally cheaper. " What the hell. Only a doughnut wouldn't save a quid, right?

Wrong! Only a fucking idiot wouldn't think to check their " Support Forum " out first! In fact, doesn't the very existance of a 'Support Forum' ring any alarm bells?

Like; What's wrong with dealing with a fucking sales rep by a swift exchange of e mail? Of course, I could ring UK. On my Vodafone mobile. Pay through the nose as I sit on hold, or hearing bollocks as my credit, to the tune of the cost of that memory stick, runs out? But, Why Should I Have To???

Why? Because I ordered my damn memory 0n April 20th. Over A Month Ago! And, know what my Order Tracking says, today?

" Your order has been successfully received at Crucial.com. Shortly we'll begin processing your order and preparing it for shipment. "

No shit?! So, ye ripped the money out of my bank account, faster than I could say, " I'm going to regret this! ". And now, over a Month later, ye still picking ye fucking noses as my order just sits there? Doesn't that make 'Customer Service' somewhat of a contradiction in terms?! FFS!

I e mail 'Customer Support', yesterday. That was all the advice their 'Live Chat' with USA could offer me. See below!

So, I go to their 'Support Forum'. I check several of the rather too many " Where's My Order? " posts. And I straight away notice how anyone posting that only has that One post to their name. And the answer's always the same ~ when or If they receive one. A Moddie pops up and says simply; " Check your PMs ". Uh huh ....?

I was dead curious to find out what those Moddies say, in that sneaky PM. So now I've posted on there. Here's what I said:

" Ordered some Memory, 20th of April. Money left my bank account in a snap. Ever since, it's been flagged as " Your order has been successfully received at Crucial.com. Shortly we'll begin processing your order and preparing it for shipment. "


The 'Live Chat' person didn't have a clue what's going on. An e mail to " Support " provoked an automated response, saying I should hear within four days?


Is there any way I can get my money reimbursed, please? So that I can deal with a company who will just take my money and send me my goods?


Thank you. "

Does that seem unreasonable to you? No. Well now let's all just sit back and see what happens next.

What's Taking Me So Long ? (Good Rant!)

Ok, let's start at the begining, shall we? I've ~ earlier tonight ~ enthused about how much stuff I have to bring ye. And I have! Shit loads of diverse and cool shit. (At least I think it's cool! I'm happy about it anyway. And, since ye nosing around in my day to day affairs? Ye gonna get to fucking read it!)

Only, I have a problem or two. Things bugging me and, frankly, ripping my piss! One of them is my loss of memory. Lap Tops, not my heads.

See, I've just become sick and fucking tired of seeing this damn message coming up, bottom right, telling me something about my " Memory Paging File Is Fucked ~ Doing Something About It. Oh; And, Whilst We Do? You're Fucked Too! ". What ever.

So, I popped up on one of my regular fora and asked for Geeks. Man! I hit pay dirt! Got the King Geek himself answering me. This guy sent me All the shit. Everything from where to buy the Memory my machine's crying out for, right through to a page explaining how I get it in there! Sweet!

See, it seems my machine's only got Half the Memory it can carry. Came like that. Now it's all clogged up and this is why I'm sitting here, clicking, then sitting listening to my beard grows before the next fucking page opens.

Seems buying this Memory Card and popping that in here will make this thing run like the wind. All it takes is about £25 of MC. And I've been shown all I need to know about how to get it, and get it in.

Yeah. I'm 100% certain the guy had the very best of intentions. He showed me all that. Then he showed me a couple of sites to order what I needed from. Even pointed out that one saved me a couple of bob over the other. Something like that. Of course, I followed that link. I sent my money, via on line plastic, to Crucial. com.

I was happy again. I figured I'd have that little bit of plastic and brass within a week or so. Pop it in here and be able to get on with my work. Bastards! I ordered it 04/19/2009, 17:26:23. I've heard nothing since. Nothing, that is, but an automatic reply e mail:

" Your order has been successfully received at Crucial.com. Shortly we'll begin processing your order and preparing it for shipment. "

I just checked the 'Progress' of my order. Exact same result. Bastards!

This from a seemingly International outfit. One whose boast is:

" Shop with Confidence: Crucial.com provides secure ordering & top-rated customer satisfaction since 1997. "

Really?!? And who the fuck dreamed That one up, eh? Do I sound like a 'Top ratedly satisfied' fucking customer? Does Two Weeks of " Yeeah, yeeah, yeah. Listen, cunt; We've Had ye fuckin money. Now just shut the fuck up while we sip our coffee and think about even Thinking About doing shit about ye order " Sound like 'Satisfying'?

Meanwhile; You just continue with ye machines total melt down. Waste as much time as ye like, checking our poxy site ~ slowly, cos ye in melt down. Just remember; You Paid Us Already, Sukkaaa!!! Now what ye gonna do?

What am I going to do? I'm going to advise who the hell ever I can reach, through this thing and Google, to stear the hell clear of Crucial.com!!! I feel that's the Least I can do!

Anyone know where I can buy 512MB, 200-pin SODIMM Upgrade for a Packard Bell Easy Note C3 Series System ?

Please let me know. Get that and maybe we can get on here.