What's Taking Me So Long ? (Good Rant!)

Ok, let's start at the begining, shall we? I've ~ earlier tonight ~ enthused about how much stuff I have to bring ye. And I have! Shit loads of diverse and cool shit. (At least I think it's cool! I'm happy about it anyway. And, since ye nosing around in my day to day affairs? Ye gonna get to fucking read it!)

Only, I have a problem or two. Things bugging me and, frankly, ripping my piss! One of them is my loss of memory. Lap Tops, not my heads.

See, I've just become sick and fucking tired of seeing this damn message coming up, bottom right, telling me something about my " Memory Paging File Is Fucked ~ Doing Something About It. Oh; And, Whilst We Do? You're Fucked Too! ". What ever.

So, I popped up on one of my regular fora and asked for Geeks. Man! I hit pay dirt! Got the King Geek himself answering me. This guy sent me All the shit. Everything from where to buy the Memory my machine's crying out for, right through to a page explaining how I get it in there! Sweet!

See, it seems my machine's only got Half the Memory it can carry. Came like that. Now it's all clogged up and this is why I'm sitting here, clicking, then sitting listening to my beard grows before the next fucking page opens.

Seems buying this Memory Card and popping that in here will make this thing run like the wind. All it takes is about £25 of MC. And I've been shown all I need to know about how to get it, and get it in.

Yeah. I'm 100% certain the guy had the very best of intentions. He showed me all that. Then he showed me a couple of sites to order what I needed from. Even pointed out that one saved me a couple of bob over the other. Something like that. Of course, I followed that link. I sent my money, via on line plastic, to Crucial. com.

I was happy again. I figured I'd have that little bit of plastic and brass within a week or so. Pop it in here and be able to get on with my work. Bastards! I ordered it 04/19/2009, 17:26:23. I've heard nothing since. Nothing, that is, but an automatic reply e mail:

" Your order has been successfully received at Crucial.com. Shortly we'll begin processing your order and preparing it for shipment. "

I just checked the 'Progress' of my order. Exact same result. Bastards!

This from a seemingly International outfit. One whose boast is:

" Shop with Confidence: Crucial.com provides secure ordering & top-rated customer satisfaction since 1997. "

Really?!? And who the fuck dreamed That one up, eh? Do I sound like a 'Top ratedly satisfied' fucking customer? Does Two Weeks of " Yeeah, yeeah, yeah. Listen, cunt; We've Had ye fuckin money. Now just shut the fuck up while we sip our coffee and think about even Thinking About doing shit about ye order " Sound like 'Satisfying'?

Meanwhile; You just continue with ye machines total melt down. Waste as much time as ye like, checking our poxy site ~ slowly, cos ye in melt down. Just remember; You Paid Us Already, Sukkaaa!!! Now what ye gonna do?

What am I going to do? I'm going to advise who the hell ever I can reach, through this thing and Google, to stear the hell clear of Crucial.com!!! I feel that's the Least I can do!

Anyone know where I can buy 512MB, 200-pin SODIMM Upgrade for a Packard Bell Easy Note C3 Series System ?

Please let me know. Get that and maybe we can get on here.

Ditch Shitter; The Book (Nice little Rant in here too!)

Yes. That one's raised its bloody head, again. Only, this time it's a Publisher asking me. We're talking a completely normal book. Not some cut, paste and photo copy job. Black tape up the spine. More ye hard back with dust cover sort of thing. Something ye could read without fear of it coming apart in ye hands.

I took about four seconds to come up with an idea for the front cover photograph. Even have an idea for the back. As I said to my tormentor;

"It's just a matter of what to put in between! "

To try and reiterate, pretty much, what I said to them .....

I write very much from the hip. Writing as I think ~ in more ways than one. That is to say, I write as the words enter my head. Without any concious planning of how to frame what I'm about to talk about. All I need is a subject to go into and I ' Go into one' on that subject.

I guess I carry on as I do simply because there's no one there to punch me in the mouth as I flail about with the verbal whip, lambasting what ever what ever's caught my baleful eye at the point of, and thus causing, that eruption.

But, that's the thing, see? I don't wake up of a day thinking, " By god; I'm going to give xxxxx hell today! " I wake up thinking I'd best check my birds and horses. Get a brew on. Fire this thing up. Look at my work schedule. Much like anyone else, really.

Then something will happen. Donkey'll bite me. I'll read some comment in a forum. Open my kitchen drawer ..... Off I go!

And there's the crunch, see? If this herbert had approached me a week ago? I'd have likely said, " Yeah. Fine. What ever. I'll now start telling Word Pad what goes on in my head, from day to day. Give it six months or less and I should have reams of stuff for ye to look at and choose from. "

But now I have This, see? Spot the dilemma? How am I to pick and choose between what to put here, for free. Just for the hell of it. And what to write up, in the heat of the moment, yet keep salted away and reserved for some book. A book which ~ pardon me but, quite bloody obviously! ~ I'd hope and pray a good many people would see fit to risk a not to be thrown away slice of their hard earned on.

Do I start churning out 'left overs' here? Thus lowering the entertainment value of the whole project? And, let's be honest; This is for ye entertainment. Ye come home from work. Ye knackered. Stressed out and wound up. Kick ye boots off and let that crazy old cunt in the semi derelict cottage bring a half smile back to ye face as he gives His view of things.

But I'm not here to dish out the burned offerings. Nor would I like to offer 'B Side' stuff in a book.

So, what's the alternative? Not bloody sure, to be honest with ye. And, frankly? Frankly, I don't bloody know. That's why I'm asking you lot. Fact that ye reading this shows that ye give a fuck. Who better to ask then?

And that brings us to the final question, for now; How in hell do ye express ye opinion? I'm genuinely not sure. I see I have three " Followers " ..... Oh shit! Here I go! Rant Alert!!!

(Who the fucking hell thought That bloody term up?! Eh? Makes the poor sods sound like fucking sychophants! Why not force them to be labeled " Deciples " or fucking " Arse Licking Poodles "? FFS! I see those people simply as my " Registered Readers ". And, if I could mess with the HTML of this place, I'd bloody well fix it too!

Forgive me, lads. I Hate that stupid title the system's lumbered ye with. I understand ye just people who want to be alerted to new activity here. A conveniant way of keeping ye fingers on the pulse. I wonder how many people thought, " Fuck That! The guy amuses me with some of what he says. He's alright. But No Fucking Way am I going to become one of his 'Followers'! ". Stupid fucking term and I hate it!

Peeps? Please don't let that 'Crap By Default' piece of mind fuck bother ye. If ye want to 'Subscribe' to this place? Just hack ye way through their crap and become what They term a " Follower " of this Blog. Fuck all to do with joining the Church of Ditch.

Christ, that annoys me though! " Blog Watcher ". That's the term I'd have chosen.)

Anyway ~ rant over .....

Yes. So; How to let me know ye views on this book business? Not sure. Try to leave a comment to this post? Maybe if the first person to read this could try that? Especially if ye Not a Registered Blog Watcher. Even if ye haven't got a view. I'd be most grateful if ye could just punch in " No comment. Not a Blog Watcher. " Anything like that. Only it'd show others who aren't signed up BW's that they too can get a Comment up. Then they can.

Clearer than mud?