Guinea Pigs .....

How fucked up are they? I mean; These things need no introduction, do they? They're just weird little fucks that make even weirder noises. They do my head in.

In Peru, where they eat the bastards, people just have them dashing about the floors of their own living quarters. Imagine that? Watching these things running about under ye feet, shitting their weird little shits and making all that strange noise. Then catching hold of one and having it for dinner.

How do ye kill a Guinea Pig? Doesn't seem to have much neck there to get hold of. Frankly, I'd find it hard to just whack something so completely inoffensive, in cold blood. We're just not programmed to hurt the little shits, are we?

Of course, I've no doubt some idiots out there would Love to be able to line up free ranging Guinea Pigs in the over sized telescopic sights of their pre charged, black, and purportedly 'SAS' looking air rifles. Some people would like to have shot the little wren my magpies just caught.

And what about free ranging guinea pigs? There's a thought, isn't it? They have them in Peru. I'm given to believe it can get damn cold over there. Maybe it just isn't as tirelessly damp and cold as UK and Eire? Only, I can't help thinking; If guinea pigs ever stood a cellophane rat in hells chance of gaining a foot hold in this part of the world, surely they would've done so by now?

Imagine it if they had though. What would they do out there? Would they dig their own holes? Do they even live in holes? And I wonder what they eat? Grass, like sheep? Or would they go trundling along the hedgerow, having a bit of everything?

Big problem, of course, for the guinea pigs; 'Everything' would eat Them! Not exactly cut out for self defence, are they? Everything from weasles to badgers would be ploughing into them. Magpies to Goshawks.

Which leads me to wonder; How do they survive in Peru? Is Peru a land void of predators; Or do they only survive in peoples homes? I'd have a mind to get some for here. Only I can't see them lasting two minutes with Orange Dog around. I'd put some in my aviary. But the 'pies would kill them too.

Shame, really. Harmless seeming little creatures. Be amusing to have around. And they make a good noise too.