Ditch Shitter Just Wrote .....

Ditch Shitter Just Wrote .....

Quick word about comments ...

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Showing posts with label Rat Catcher. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rat Catcher. Show all posts

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Don't Disrespect Ditch's Doorpost ....!


 Or You Will Be Fucked Up ....!

 I've just spent the afternoon making nest boxes. I stopped, to feed the Dogs and horses. Then, I took a measure of The Hard Stuff, just to ease the path toward finishing todays five.

 All done, I popped in here to put my working glasses away and pick up my pot of shrapnel, which I intended to count into my tins. And that's what I was concentrating on. Separating 20's, 10's, 5's, 2's and 1's. 

 That's hard work, without my working glasses, which I'd stupidly taken off seconds ago. Thus I was concentrating while straining to see the coins. Barely registering the high pitched squealing, behind me.

 It was that perculiar chop smacking that bull blooded Dogs tend to do, when they've just savoured a bite, that caught my conscious attention.

  I turned around to see that Orange Dog had seemingly just finished what the bait had started.





 Nice work, The Orange Dog ~ An oldy, but, a goody!  This fucker's paid the price of coming in here, fucking with my shit.


 Of all the doorposts, in all the cottages, in all of Eire .....
 

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Hark! Hark! The Dogs Do Bark .....


  At least " Rats " did. Last night. I was just sitting here, listening to my tinnitus and cruising a forum when she lit up. Out of fucking no where. Barking like a lunatic.

 Of course, all I'm getting is this scruffy little 'Lakeland Terrier' thing, going ballistic. No other sounds. Rest of the Dogs ignoring her. No headlights on the window. No reaching for the gun. Just " Shuuuuuud Uuuuuuuuupp!!! Fucking Thing! Woss Up Wi Ye?! ".

 And all returned to normal. Moment passed. Incident forgotten. For hours. Certainly until I decided it was time I let them all out for a piss, before the final run down to bed time. And then? Fuck me if she didn't kick off all over again!

 Rats, going hysterical once? I can live with that. Rats doing it twice? I look to her .....

 In fact, I looked to the scene behind the door there. Ye know how someone could move a tea mug, an inch, in ye kitchen ..... and ye'd walk in and 'see' that something was amiss in ye room? It's like that when ye live alone, anyway.

 And I soon spotted it. The 'mess' by the Store Room door. Some sort of stuff on what should have been a clean swept floor. I looked closer .....




  Kind of sticks out like a punch in the mouth, doesn't it? It certainly would do, if ye knew how clean swept I like to keep my floors here, anyway. And not without good reason.

 So, Rats is all over the place and I've given them their piss, then brought them all back in here, before I investigated further.

  Look at the state of my fucking door frame!




  Fucking rat has come up in the earth floored room, out the back. It's slipped under the door, where I'm working and am replacing the door step. That's got it into my kitchen ~ no doubt setting Rats off in the first place.

 Me having called her off? The damn thing's decided all is well in the world and has sat down to work, at its leisure, on the door post of my Pest Control Store Room! And, by the time I've gone out there? It's broken through and was, I figured, in the fucking store!

 Picked the wrong kiddy to invade, this fucker! LOL! I've 'Dusted' the hole. Moment he passes back through there? He'll pick up an annoying slick of powder on his coat. Rats are actually fastidiously fussy about their grooming. He'll lick that off.

 I set a trap, just in case he was stupid, or licking that super concentrated poison dust makes him so while he's still able to move.

 Then, I put down a tray of the best gear I have. Pellets. Very tempting. Very lethal. Then I went to bed.

 Tonight? I let the Dogs out for their piss. Rats was having none of it. All she wanted was to check the door post hole. Then dash along the fireplace wall to the cupboard.

 What a thing of beauty, to see her work! That little Dog was completely focused and knew exactly what she was getting at too. She flattened herself out and got beneath a drawer I'd have a hard job rolling a been tin under!

 Shining my Clulite under there, I thought of grabbing the camera and getting a photo of her. But, instincts of my own kicked in. I slid that shallow drawer open .....

 Bingo! There, in the corner. Nice little pile of red pellets. The fucker's been hoarding the bait. Carrying each, individual pellet from the tray. Through the door post. Through my kitchen. Up under the cupboard. Into that drawer. Bastard!

 A life times experience as a rat catcher told me to open that drawer. But, it was my trustee little scruffy scrap of a terrier that led me to the drawer in the first place. 

 Without her help? I'd not have known to put a fresh dose of that lethal dust in that perfectly safe drawer. I even know where to retrieve my bait from. And I know that it too is somewhere safe. 

 Rat'll be helping itself to a few pellets, of course. It'll also be ingesting ever more of that dust. Probably be dead tomorrow then. And I know exactly where to look for it.

 If I can't find it, where I'm expecting it? Rats'll soon sniff it out for me. That's what she does best.
  

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

A True Mad Irishmen .....


So, I'm sat in my local, this afters, listening to the craic going on around me, when this one guy at the end of the bar turns to Michael Heggarty (Fuck me! You should See Michael Heggarty! If they put him on TV, ye'd swear it was an OTT piss take. But this guy's for real!) and explains that the rats are causing him bother.

And suddenly, it seems the whole bar heard as Michael yelled back;

" Get that Ditch Shitter, Padraig. The Rat Catcher. He'll catch ye rats. He'll put poison down. Poison the rats. Poison ye Dog. Poison ye cattle. Poison fucking everything! "

Me and the lads were in fucking tears! Priceless moment!

Only in rural Eire!