Thanks for the Memory .....

Oh well ..... " You Will notice the difference! ". All the Geeks that ever were told me that. Just get my RAM sorted out and I'd see a hell of an improvement in this LT's performance. This despite me swearing,up down and sideways, that the problem I have is that Vodafone are cunts. And that they'd capped my 'speed' at 236.8kbs the very moment they realised I actually wanted to Use this fucking thing. Not just dash in to check for short e mails once a night.

But, anyway; Who am I to argue with the Geeks? I know fuck all about computers ~ no where near as much as I do about human nature and the staggering greed of big businesses. So, today, Dean O' and I went into the nearest 'Big Town' ~ Carrick On Shannon ~ and visited a Geeks shop there. " Bits and PC's "

Derek's a nice enough guy. We found him sitting behind his crowded little desk, in his crowded little room at the top of the stairs. His space wouldn't even add up to a half decent bed sit. Two, tiny rooms. One the shop. The other a little hole into which he retreats, alone, to mess with the insides of PC's.

He didn't even need to go in there to sort my Memory out though. Just produced a screw driver and a little bit of stuff. Took a little cover off the underside of my Lap Top and revealed the fact that there was nothing in there! No chip.

I believe he then explained this in more detail. How the thing was running on some RAM which was an integral part of the inner system? I don't know. My hearing's so bad I hear little enough of what people say to me these days. But I watched him put a chip in. My machine is now pushing nearly 500MB of RAM. Maxed out. Hasn't made shit difference.

Well, to be brutally honest? I got home. Attached my Vodafone 3G Modem and fired her up. I almost shit myself! Before I could say " XP ", I was sat here staring, in amazement, at my Desk Top. I don't think I've ever seen my system load so fast in all my life. Truly incredible.

Then I fired up the modem and asked for a page ..... and sat here. Watching. Waiting. Resigned. 236.8kbs. Vodafone truly are cunts. For £15.00 though, it was worth a spin. At least I can now shave a minute or two off the wastage of my day. Hit that button and Flash! I have my Desk Top before me.

Not to end on such a banal and pointless note though; I also bought a freshly reconditioned PC off Derek. £100. All singing and dancing. Just the box. But, it means that if, or when, this old work horse finally coughs, farts and dies ~ probably about mid evening, after every where's long since shut for the day ~ I only have to fetch in my other PC, plug my bits into it and pretty much get straight back to work.

Best of all though is my freaky Key Board! I'm a two finger typist and my finger nails are hard as all hell ~ especially on the plastic of key board buttons. I tend to dig the characters off inside six months. What ever remains, I tend to hide beneath a thick coat of spilled tea and beer. That's why I found the concept of a Rubber Key Board irresistible.

Waterproof? Completely. Hopefully less prone to getting dug to fuck by my nails too. But, here's what Really freaks me out!

It's Bendy As A Dish Cloth!

I mean ~ seriously; How fucked up is That?!