How's Everyone Feeling ....?

Rough as a badgers foreskin, I expect? For Fuck Sake ....! 'Never again', eh?

I picked Dean O' up at just gone eight and it was straight to the door of Jim's. Hadn't been in there five minutes when I realised that was my phone ringing. Dashed outside, to where I could hear myself think, and found it was my Bro' calling me from england! God alone knows what that cost him. But, it was a hell of a long time before the line went dead as he'd finally ran out of credit.

Jim's was a little too raucous for even Dean, at this point. We decided to have a little run, so over to JJ's we went. Funny; Last year it was literally empty in there. Just the bar staff standing around in the shadows. Last night it was heaving! No accounting for it.

Dean O' suggested we grab a pew in an unoccupied corner and I instinctively got myself into what I considered a good vantage point. Old friend of mine, former SAS chap taught me this. It worked too. There we are, sitting at right angles to each other, chatting whilst we each stare dead ahead. Then, Bingo! I hit pay dirt!

A bunch of young girls, each seemingly trying to out do each other on shortness of skirt, or length of leg revealed, came and sat bang opposite me! Fuckin' lovely! Of course, these youngsters all have a blind spot for blokes my age. They think we're just empty boxes. They just couldn't comprehend that we have sex on our minds, even if we shoved our hand up their skirts!

So, there's me, now grinning like a cunt as my dead, old eyes just keep staring fixedly ahead into no where ~ and I'm giving Dean O', who couldn't possibly start turning and looking their way, a running cometary! " Cor, fuck me, mate! That sweet little blonde's rubbing her thigh again ....! " Rather fun, that was. For me, at least. Shame about Dean O'. But then, as I so often reminded him last night; " Old age and treachery ..... "

Funny really but, as the night progressed I was actually consciously aware of how certain women were becoming incrementally more attractive! I remember spotting one I labelled " The Cave Woman ", in my head. God knows why. She caught my eye, mid way, and I thought there was something about her that made we want to have a little look at her. Later on, I'd decided, she had a certain attraction about her. By the end of the night, I'm quite certain I'd have wanted to fuck her! (Probably consider her a nightmare, if I were sober!)

And the end of the night brought the most telling and curious little incident too. The Food Girl. See, as Dean O' and I were having our now customary games of darts as midnight approached, so they brought the food out. Now, I was 'starving', having not eaten that day, of course. But, I don't eat in these situations because grazing on nibblets only makes me want to satiate my alerted appetite. I had a kebab in my pocket. I'd eat when I got home.

But, one of the food girls had other ideas for me. I politely accepted a single cocktail sausage from her basket. Then I went into colder mode and firmly refused to accept any further offerings. And, looking back, that was when I noticed her standing beside me, offering up her basket of goodies to me. And she was smiling. Her eyes fixed on me like we were the only souls in that packed out pub. I was being fucking hit on!!!

Well, fuck all that. She wasn't looking so bad herself at all, by this point. Only about thirty, and half a dozen pints of Guinness were smoothing out her creases nicely. But, I'd withdrawn into the safety of my own unapproachability and would have given her a rather dead, cold look in return. I thought no more of it and threw my darts about the place.

Then, just after Dean O' had somehow managed to pull a fucking Two out of the hat, thus getting his own customary best of three, I remember myself being beckoned back by the Food Girl, just as I was heading for the door. She was slaughtered. I was probably slaughtered myself; But I 'hold my drink well' and can appear perfectly reasonable, in public.

And there she was. Hanging onto my coat sleeve as she pawed and stroked me with the other hand. Murmuring and purring against my chest and ear. FFS! She wanted me to stay. In fact, she probably had a room waiting for the night. Jim and Phyl' run a combined pub and Guest House, see?

That was fucking It! I had Orange Dogs furry little face to get back to. Orange Dog wanted her bit of the kebab in my pocket and I'd promised her it too. I pointedly detached this girls grasp from my arm and, almost curtly, bid her a 'Happy New Year' before turning smartly on my heel and striding out the door to my waiting taxi and home to Orange Dog.

How fucking Manly was That?!