Shit, Damn Ye ....!

As I was yelling, in my head, the other day .....

See; With all this fucking ice, it's an extremely, seriously dangerous business for me to get Chain Dog ~ my Rottie ~ out of her cage and out into the compound for her exercise and to have a shit. No amount of training can control a happy, healthy, youthful Dog when that door opens and she's Off. Mad fucker's so full of pent up madness, she just has to charge around a bit. I just run around behind her.

This is ok, in 'normal' conditions. I just have her on her short lead and let her have her head. I pretty much know where she'll want to go anyway. In what order. What she'll do when she gets there. And she likes to have a shit over by the compost box, or by the back gate.

Trouble is, due to the lay of the land here, her pulling me towards that area is like her pulling me onto a mine field! I'd break some major bones. Figure the rest out for yeself. Me, laying there, broken. Mad Dog bouncing around, wondering why I won't come play. She'd pull out of my hand. Chain Dog. At liberty? Fuck Right Off!

See? I have to think about this shit. I have to cover every hole. That's why I've now taken to locking her Long lead into the front gate bolt. I just hook her on there and stand back. She does her own thing, as safely as I can get it. Only, she can't reach her favoured spot in the universe. There for she won't shit.

Know what that means? Means she won't shit when and where it'd be best all round that she does. Means she'll just hold it in. And I give up freezing my bits off for half an hour and Bring her in. Another half hour and I feed her. Hey Presto! Soon as that damn flesh reaches her stomach, inside her cage, inside my room ..... She dumps! FFS!

So, few days back now, there we are. Chain Dog rushing hither and dither about the place. Sniffing at this. Pissing on that. But, simply refusing to Shit. " Shit, Chain! Just have a fucking shit, damn ye! ", I told her. She just bounded over toward me. Bum stump wagging furiously. Then shot off to peer in the window at the other Dogs, safely locked inside, away from her. She didn't shit.

I'd had days of this. Same old procedure. Inside an hour from now, I'd be screaming. Kicking her cage and bellowing at the other Dogs to get out of the room. So I could unlock Chain's cage and reach in there, plastic bag clad hand, and pick up the stinking delivery she'd make. I couldn't take much more of that.

Then I thought of Bob. Old friend of mine. A 'Dog Fighter'. Real deal too. Bob wouldn't talk on a forum, if he knew how. But, he knew his shit. And, through a course of things, I learned some weird shit through Bob. I remembered how he once told me one could make a Dog shit .....

Never! I couldn't; Could I? I mean ..... surely to fuck ....?!

But, I knew I couldn't take this much more. I was freezing to death, stood there. Wishing ~ Willing this damn Dog to Just Shit! I thought about it.

I eyed the cottaneaster hedge.

I only fuckin' did it ....!

And so did Chain Dog! " RrrMmph! ", plop, plop, plop! Right on the fucking button! Just as the doctor had ordered. Just as Bob had said. Respect to that man and his occult knowledge of things Dog!

I've learned from a Master.

Haven't had a problem with Chain since.

Oh; Except maybe catching hold of her; Once she's seen me get near that damn hedge! :D