Seeing Red .....

  Dogs went off, again, this morning. I was fast asleep but yet vaguely aware of having heard a motor. I most certainly heard the gentle tapping on the front door.

  This told me two things straight away; Someone very determined had found me ~ Liam Neeson would have his work cut out, without directions. And, this someone was a stranger. No one who knows me would be silly enough to come through my gate.

 Being buck naked, I popped open the top half of the door. And, I liked it!

 Petite little thing. Reddish side of brunette. Vaguely latter day Hippy effect about her. Doubt she was even thirty. " This'll do me! " I'm thinking!

  I was aware that there was some kid standing next to her. Fuck him. He didn't register. Nor was what she was saying, for a moment. I was hoping it was something about pests. I'd show her my Rat Box .....

  Then it sunk in that A/ She was talking with a brit accent. B/ She was on about the fucking bible!!! For Fuck Sake! Ye bury yeself away like a dud cruise missile, and Still the fucking Jehovas Witnesses find ye!

  Anyway, I let her get a few sentences out, as I absorbed a good eyeful of her. Committing every detail to lecherous memory (This was the best looking thing that's Ever come through my gate! I wasn't wasting it) Then I politely, but firmly, fucked her off.

  Looking at the clock, I saw it wasn't even noon yet. Might as well get on though, now I was up. So, first things first; Off I went to see to the horses.

  I'm shovelling shit out of the pen and slinging it over the back gate, onto my new heap. Pleasant thoughts of the girl who, minutes ago, had graced my door step. Musing how her hair may have smelled. And other things .....

 I'd just given a satisfied nod at how thorough a job I'd made of mucking out. " Sort of result Pat would be happy with. " And, with that, like ye do, I allowed myself a nice stand and stare. Over the back gate. Down across the paddock. Onto Pat's lower field.

  Right at the young Red Stag galloping right to left!!! Here we fucking go!!!

  Automatically, I've whipped out my camera. Figuring he might just turn my way, before finding a way through that hedge and onto Noel's land. 

 Fuck! In fact, Fuck, Fuck, Fucking Fuck!!! Now's the time the battery chooses to come up fucking dead! " They'll never believe this, on THL, now! ", I remember thinking to myself.

  Then, another, slightly more outlandish, even desperate thought occurred to me ~ The Gun!

 Ye've never seen me move so fast! I knew, really, it was a forlorn hope. That hedge isn't that thick. It's more the little ditch keeping the cattle in. Stag would hop over it without a thought. But .....

  Dashed in here. Got my key into the ammo safe and whipped out a box of Solid Slugs. Rammed a few into the breech and dashed back out there. Already calculating maximum distance. Where to aim. What have ye.

  All went to rat shit, obviously. The Dogs weren't tied up, at that point. And I hadn't stopped to shut the bottom gate. So, there's Nigger dashing past me, with Rats. Him going under the gate into Pat's field. Me shouting at him to get back.

  Then there's Orange Dog right beside me. I look round and see Rosie, yards away in the pen. If I fired this thing with all these animals around? Chances are I'd have a couple of heart attacks to contend with!

 Of course. It wasn't an issue. Stag was well gone. But, he'd been there, look. Second one inside five years. Who knows? One of these days? Third time lucky. It Could all come together.

 Now, after all this excitement, I think I'll go and have another shit. Photographs, anyone ....?