What Won't Rats Eat ....?

 Rats, as just about everybody knows, will eat just about anything. Most appalling habit.

 Little was I to know then, when I got my scruffy little 'Terrier' with the long, skinny legs ..... And I called her:

" Rats "

 Rats has been a thorn in my side, from day one. She completely refuses to be house trained. No matter how often and how late I let her out at night, I virtually always wake up to piss and / or shit in the morning. It's become a way of life here.

 I put up with it ~ like I put up with her ~ because she's an otherwise fun and engaging little shit. Niggy worships her. And, I guess we could always throw in the usual; 'She doesn't eat much'.

 That wouldn't be entirely true though. Granted, she's easy on the meat ration. But, she's also an inveterate, opportunistic thief and has the catholic feeding habits of ..... well; A rat!

 Any Dog likes to nibble a bit of horse or cow shit. That's a given. Too many have a taste for Dog shit. That's fucking harsh!

Either way, I have to be quick on my feet, of a morning. I let the Dogs out then have to dash after them, bagging up each ones shit before Rats has done hers and come after theirs.

 But, it doesn't stop there. Rats will seemingly eat just about Anything!  I sit here and reach for the nail clippers? Rats appears beneath me. Finger and toe nails are snaffled up with relish, as soon as they hit the floor.

 Worse; I get my knife out and start to dig the shit from under my finger nails. I wipe the crap off the blade and flick it onto the floor. Rats scurries around, gobbling down every bit.

  And she's a social climber too, despite her disgusting social etiquette. She's determined not to be bottom of the pile here. So, she bites Nigger's legs while he's trying to sleep ~ just because she knows he'll let her. And it shows she has the drop on him.

 But, now she's trying to slide herself into le Ding's place. She tries to lick my feet, when I take my boots off of a night. She's even taken to licking my back, when I'm a'bed.

 le Ding always likes to lick my arse, when I'm in bed. Now Rats has started trying to out do him. She licks my entire back. Even my head; Till I tell her to fuck off.

 Last night, she crossed the line and came unstuck. There I was, arms wrapped round Orange Dog. Her hairy little arms round my neck. Furry face against mine. Both perfectly content. And Rats comes licking.

 Rats licked my back. Licked my shoulders. Then worked her way back down again. I'd had enough. 

 I shifted slightly and waited. Yes! She was licking her way down to my arse hole ..... I tensed, waiting. A sly grin forming on my lips. Closer. Closer ..... Nearly there ..... Bingo!

  " PhrrrrrrrrEeerrrrrp!!!!! " Eat That, you cunt! I let her have it full on! As a seemingly endless rush of hot, foetid air burst into her mouth and forced its way into her throat, I could imagine her eyes bulging as her lungs expanded. Couldn't eat That fucker, could ye, Rats?

 I felt her whole body shudder. I was conscious of her staggering gait as she stumblingly retreated across the room. Then came the 'Rat a tat a tat a tat' as she violently shook herself. Ears slapping against her head.

 And, burying my face into Orange Dogs furry chest, I too began to shudder. With suppressed but hysterical laughter. Fuckin' try That again, ye little fuck!



 Now; Here's Rats being strangled. Just because .....