Mink Raft .....

Well, " Trunky " seems eager to learn about it. My cousin, Celia, over in Spain, is convinced I manufacture luxury loungers.

I've been working on the bugger all afternoon. So, I'd might as well get it off my chest, for now, and explain it to ye.

  Funny. It's such a totally familiar concept, to me, that I never even gave a thought to the point that others may not have a clue about the fucking things!

  I'll start with a blunt description then. If ye then realise it's boring, ye can fuck off. But, for any with an interest, I might well say a lot more about the things.

  In a word then; A 'Mink Raft' is just a floating platform on which one sites a trap for a mink. (Ye can fuck off now, if ye like). Only, like an onion, it has skins. Not furry ones either.

  See; The 'Big Thing' is that ye don't put a trap on it, to start with. No. Ye tether this 4' x 2' raft, with a little box in the middle, in mid stream and leave it there.Only, inside the little box is a specially prepared bed of soft clay.

Mink are vile bastards, see? Always on the look out for something to kill, for the sake of it. And they're pretty good at what they do. Largely because they get into Everything, looking for their next victim.

So, up the river comes a mink. Intent on killing everything else on that river. He spots the raft and figures he'd better check that out.

On he gets, and spots the little box. Might be something hiding in there. So, in he goes. Finds nothing and fucks off.

 But, he doesn't go too far as he really does like to kill Everything. And catching everything else on a stretch of river can't be done over night. Not even a mink.

Then, I blow into town. Open the little box on the raft and have a look myself. Yeppers. There's mink tracks, clearly showing in the special mixture of soft clay I'd planted inside that box.

Now I have proof positive that a mink's in the area, I take out the clay and put a trap in the box instead.

  Pretty soon, back comes the mink. Still poking his face into every place anything surviving may be holing up. He comes back to the raft. Slips into the box, to check for signs of life. And so His ends.

  Beauty of all this, see; It's like Health and Safety going it's usual OTT way. But, it does make sense.

  Stoats and Pine Martens are protected, in Eire. As are Otters. Only, the box has too small a gate way to let an otter in, so we needn't worry about them.

Pine marten can certainly get through a mink sized hole though. Stoat could get into almost anything. Be a crying shame to kill them, instead of a mink.

First advantage then is that it's in the middle of a fucking river! Stoats and pineys aren't exactly noted for messing about in rivers. Unlike mink. More traditional tunnel, on the bank? Bound to catch a piney.

  But, even if a stoat or piney defies all logic and swims out to the raft? So what. All he does is leave his foot prints. I see they're not mink and go away. As would even the most intrepid piney or stoat.

 I'll be doing all that's humanly possible to keep kids from gaining access to this raft. I reckon I can make it practically impossible for anyone ~ without bolt croppers and great determination ~ to get at it.

  That said? Not having a trap on it for the majority of the time it's there is still a reason to sleep more soundly of a night.

And, what if I set my raft. The community put more ducks on the river. And one of those ducks decides to check out my raft? No problemmo. I'll recognise the signs and will be able to take further measures to keep the ducks out. No harm done.

  They reckon, once ye find mink foot prints, and so set the lethal trap? Ye usually have the bastard within a few days. Then it's back to the clay pad.

See? So, rather than constantly niggling with the hope that nothing goes wrong, the complete absence of a trap at all, for the vast majority of the time, is sweet.

  There's sure to be adventures to come though. I've got to make the thing yet ~ Today I just applied a couple of coats of paint to the main wood surfaces. 

They reckon a raft'll last three years. I figure protecting the wood with paint might buy me longer. Certainly look better.

Let me get one made and I'll show ye it. Then, eventually, there'll be the story of Dean O' and I fucking about in the river, getting the anchorage points worked out.

  First though, the Tidy Towns Committee needs to cage me in that bridge. No Fucking Way am I setting any traps beneath bridges where kids can get. Ever!