I'm standing there, chatting to a friend in town. Pretty much ready to be on my way, as it happens. When a guy I know to be another good friend of my man here turns up.
And, in the blink of an eye, he passes my mate a screw topped bottle of crystal clear liquid.Which vanished out ofsight as if by sleight of hand. Get To Fuck!!!!!
I've said to my man; " That was Never what I fuckin' suspect it was?! " And, with a happy smile, he says;
" It's Holy Water. From Lourdes. " Seeing the consternation clear on my face ~ doubtless well and truly tinged with deep disappointment, he explains; " We're having a mass in the house ..... "
I'm gutted. I have no religious leanings. Though, as he retrieved the bottle and said something about throwing some over me, I was ready with the retort that;
" Throw that fucking stuff on me, mate? And ye do know I'll turn into a pile of ashes?! "
All the same though, he poured some into the bottle cap. Frankly? I was a teentsy bit 'disgusted' when he drank it!
I have this early memory of " Holy Water " from my childhood church. Stone bowl on the wall, by the door. Water in it. Every fucker sticking their finger in it and putting it on themselves? Fuck off! That's just disgusting!
Then, even as I thought all this, he refilled the cap and held it out to me. Smiling. Realisation time. " Ye fucking kidding me?!? "
One tentative sniff. I knew I'd Finally 'Arrived' here! A tiny sip and .......... Faaaaaarkkk!!!!!
I swear; Right Then, if someone had announced a " Talking Rubbish Contest "? I'd have thrown myself into it! I was Ready!
I could, literally, feel this fucking stuff entering my bloodstream! Nothing harsh in the throat. But, it was sort of pervasive from there on out.
I could actually feel it working down and out into my shoulders and chest. Exhilarating feeling!
Full shot glass? I'd have become The Incredible Hulk! Totally fucking amazing experience!
I think I'll have to put out feelers now. See if I can get my hands on a 1/4 bottle of this stuff. Clear glass, obviously!
Only, in the almost incomprehensibly slender chance that any old friend, or member of my family should ever visit me here?
How I'd love to be able to reach into some hidden nook and fetch out an offering of a taste of The 'Hard Stuff'!
I am surprised you haven't got a still bubbling away in your cow shed Ditch, I thought it was the done thing for you rural types?
ReplyDeletei can't beleive it took six years !!!
ReplyDeletei've only lived in ireland for a year, and i've come across a fair amount of the stuff.
it's so piss-takingly easy to produce, it's daft !
on the down side, though; it usually means at least three months inside if you're caught !
four litres of homebrew bitter, distilled down to 75cl will blow your balls off - but is it worth it?
you can buy a distiller via amazon.co.uk for about £200. delivered.
i wouldn't do it though; i'm too honest.
i have heard that coopers' dark ale produces a very smooth poitin. good luck to you.
Ah; I was told, probably within a week of arriving here, how to go about arranging a delivery of guaranteed good stuff, here abouts.
ReplyDeleteIt's just that I'd always wanted to experience that moment when someone produced a bottle and offered me a taste.
Forgive the following example. But; It's a little like ..... Any cunt can buy himself a Pit Bull.
But, being invited to attend a genuine, properly sanctioned and Refereed Match ~ not just some glorified roll ....?
Ye * Know * ye've fuckin' arrived, then! :D
And as for making it myself? Fuck, no! As said: I'd abuse it and be dead in a week!