I'm just sitting here, having a quiet read. Pesticle decides she wants to come and sit on Dad.She likes to do that. I read the screen as she sits sideways and watches out the window.
All is good in the world. Even if I don't own a single pair of denims without a busted zip.
So, there's Pest; Sat on my lap. Peering out at the land. There's me, reading about stuffed foxes. Then it happens!
Pest has incrementally shifted her weight. The merest flexing of a paw ..... And that has somehow caused Great and Terrible pressure on two of the brass teeth of my broken zip.
Me being commando, the unimaginable happened!
Those fucking little brass teeth, ably assisted by a Huge weight of perfectly comfortable Dog, acted like a set of vicious, mini pliers!
Right on the edge of the f**king japs eye!!!!!
One's inside. Other's outside. They're pinching with a force of around seventy fucking pounds, focused on a point just millimetres in size.The colossal effect on me then might be considered disproportionate. If ye not a man!
Christ All Fucking Mighty!!! I couldn't move! Couldn't breathe! My vision blurred so I thought I might pass out!
Ye know that scene in the Charles Bronson film; Where he grabs that guy by the testicles in a crushing grip?
That was me. Not Charles Bronson. I was like the big cunt, lapsing into unconsciousness with pain!
Fuck me, it hurt! Still does, actually! Fucked if I'm checking it. I can't even bring myself to uncross my legs, right now.
Pesticle's back to laying on the bed. Probably wondering why Dad suddenly made those strangled noises and his eyes bulged out like that.
Just before he somehow found the truly astounding reserves of strength to physically launch an entire, full grown American Bulldog off his lap!
Christ, it fucking hurt!
Nothing worse than that!!
ReplyDeleteI've found that YKK (Japanese made) are the best zips, all others always break.
Craig
You got me wincing in sympathy Ditch, sod that!
ReplyDelete