The Hole ....! (Part One)

  Lads; I've happened upon a hole. I've had a life time of getting up close and personal with holes. Every size. Every sort. Everywhere. 

  This one left me mind blown. Nothing about it screamed, 'The Obvious'. And, the best bit is? I could genuinely, seriously do with a far younger person to come and look at my hole. I don't know how much more I can take, at my age.

  Here's the story. In full, graphic detail. It's Not for the hobbyist. This shit's for my fellow, hardened pro's. Or, maybe those with a certain predilection? Use ye discretion, before proceeding ..... 

  So, I'm in my ditch, the other day. One I live my handle by. Dropping my guts onto what will now, steadily ~ unless we have a flash monsoon / flood ~ become my very own, 'Summer Manure Heap'.

  My ditch forms one side of the boundary of my property. It's My ditch. I can sit above it and shit into it. Only, if I climb out of it, on the other side? I'm on my neighbors land. And, these days? With this new lot? That ain't gonna fucking happen!

  So, forgive the detailed lead up. (Fuck me; If ye didn't Like detailed, lengthy shit? Ye wouldn't be here! Yeah?) There I am, doing what I'm there for. Suddenly, Balzac appears, in the compound side. Spots Dad. Starts trying to get to me! 

  Well, Balzac's only a fraction of what he'll grow to be, yet. And, being a brand new pup of just eight weeks? He barely knows his own name yet. He certainly doesn't understand shit like;

  " Balzac! Fuck off! Stay there! ..... NO! Don't slip through that fucking stock fencing!!! "

  " OMFG!!! Balzac! Don't Get Down There!!!!!  Ye'll be in shit as I shit all over ye! "

  " Where the fuck are ye?! Please Fucking God! Don't sneak round the back. Jump in the ditch and get amongst it from That direction!!! "

  And, all this time, this completely unpredictable puppy is scooting about the small space. No collar. No recall. No sense of what's going on. And I'm trying to finish what I came there for.

  Amazing! Did the work. Finished the paper work. Had somehow managed, by voice alone, to keep this scatter brained, excited pup out of the ditch! Fastened my belt and bent over to grab him .......... And saw, with abject horror, my glasses slip from my shirt pocket .....

 Now, a bit of 'engineering' fact about my ditch. This is all relevant, I promise you: My property is all on a slope. The ditch runs Down along the border. My actual 'Out House' is built straddling the ditch. The ditch, directly beneath the concrete structure, is itself lined with concrete.

  Think of a six and half foot tall tower block. With a car park below it. Open back and front. And, to the front, there's a concrete tunnel. The rain water flows down, from the back. Washes what ever's on the concrete, car parking, base. Takes it through that tunnel .....

  And there, due to a natural, down hill, lowering of the land. No doubt aided by a century or two of dropping waters effect, it's formed a small, deep pool. I call it my 'Cesspit'. Because, basically, Everything that plops down into that tends to 'be' there, till it's broken up and fed further down the ditch .....

  And my fucking glasses dropped, like an Olympic fucking medalist,  straight in there!!!!!

  Let's take a break here. It's late. I've other distractions. Ye've had enough to plough through. I just wanted to give ye an ~ maybe all too real? ~ picture of the environment we're dealing with here.

  In Part Two, for those who stick with it ~ hopefully those of experience, who can follow what ever clues I may be throwing up here. I'll explain the mission to retrieve my glasses.

  And how That led to my discovering this absolutely Intriguing fucking hole!