Oh For Fucks Fucking Sake ....!

Just sat and eaten my dinner. Usual at this moment in time; Two pork chops and chips with gravy. Eat that every night. No problemmo. Suits me fine. Put my plate down for the Orange Dog to clean up, as ever. Then, deciding I fancy a piss, I step outside.

Now, work it out. It's only natural, isn't it? I only eat once a day. Normally quite late in the day. Stomach tends to develop a bit of air during said day. Dump a load of food into said stomach. Then piss. Obvious what's gonna happen. Yeah?

So, there I am. Stood there, pissing and farting. Good, long, healthy farts. Real lengthy peelers. And, of course, I'm adding to the fun by demonstrating my pleasure at these actions, for the benefit of my Dogs. Yes; I'm rendering a vocalised accompaniment.

There I am then. Dick out. Pissing a stream and farting long and loud. Going, " Ooooooh, Yes!!! " And, " Mmmmmmm!!!!! " to each, stretched, high pitched peeling. I was about entering into the third abdominal eviction when the Dogs heard something more like; " AaaaaahhhhhAAAAAAGHHHHHH!!!!! Oh, For Fuck Sake!!!!! ". As I felt the light, warm touch of an ostrich feather racing down the back of my left thigh, in a headlong rush for my slipper!

That'll do ye. Any more on this issue and it most decidedly would be 'Too Much Information!'. But, you just wait till ye get to my age. Then ye'll fucking find out!

Good job I can still be fast on my feet, have plenty of kitchen towel and Dogs about. Thought, for a minute there, I might even have to change into my other pair of trousers!