Manliness .....

This is a subject which, as you are all well aware, few are better qualified to speak on than I. Many of you, of course, come here to read what I feel like saying to ye simply because ye recognise in me the living bench mark of such manliness as you forlornly aspire to. I can understand this .....

Many of you live such hopeless and wretched little lives that ye've tried to find solace in the adopted belief in something ye call " God ". That's what today's meant to be all about after all, isn't it?

Eating and drinking to excess ~ to show yeselves ye still have that excess. That ye've made it through The Barren Time and still have plenty set aside. Ye demonstrate ye largesse to others too, by handing out gifts to them. It's all about proving you're a 'survivor'. And thanking that 'God' that ye have survived.

Listen; 'God' doesn't come into it. Our survival of two months of absolute shit is simply down to our levels of Manliness. Let me spell it out for ye;

I'm Ditch Shitter. Aforementioned paragon of Manliness. I don't 'Do' " God " or " Xmass ". I don't give my shit away. I don't expect anyone else to give me their shit either.

When I leave someone and they call out, " And Merry Xmass ....! "? I grunt. They only say that because they're terrified they won't have a good one themselves and they're hoping for Me to bolster Their confidence that they might.

The point of fact that they're actually petitioning Me to bestow such luck on them, instead of their God says it all. Who do they think is better then? Work it out.

But, this is all just 'Talk', isn't it? Any fraud can sit at a computer and feebly attempt to emulate Manliness with a few choice words. No One can ever suggest Ditch Shitter is 'all talk'. Not when I have my camera to show ye fearsome things with. I bring ye proof!

Look at this!

That's the inside of my ditch door! And that is Frost! Why am I showing ye that? I'm showing ye that because, if I'd tried to get a shot of the actual seat ye might have been exposed to stuff ye wouldn't be Man enough to stomach, after that decadent great blow out ye've eaten. Things Real Men don't even concern themselves with and which others could feel have a slightly Gay connotation in dwelling on.

But, anyway, there was just as much damn frost on my wooden loo seat. And, did Ditch Shitter then crouch and hover, like some timorous whoos? Hell, no! I just shrugged. Grunted. And I Sat Down on it!

Yes; A truly Heroic act of Manliness. What else would ye expect?


But, of course, that was just a passing moment in my perfectly normal ~ for me ~ day. Pretty Manly, I'll grant ye. But, should not a Manly Man also fit in at least one Heroic act of a day?

I'm getting there. Bear with me ..... So, I'd just done my belt up and had taken that picture of the frost on the door when a most awful scream rent the frozen, still air. (This is no shit! I've just done that) It was coming from down by the horse pen. Could've been Dog, horse, or a combination of both.

I sprinted. Yeppers. Flat out fucking Sprint. Across deeply snow covered ground which I Knew to be hiding large, ice covered stones. Any step could have led to a broken leg, or worse. Pausing to consider such would Not have been Manly, of course. I dashed like fuck. One of my creatures was in trouble and pain.

And there's Nigger. He's tried to jump through the small gate. Probably missed his footing on the ice there. Now his leg's caught up in the gate and he's hanging by it, screaming his head off. If that hind leg wasn't snapped yet, it damn soon would be, if he slipped on that ice!

Of course, it goes without saying that I remained Heroically in command of the situation. I manfully lifted this full grown 'Black Lab' in my arms, ignoring the instinctively flashing and snapping enamelled cutlery and, with calm expertise, freed his leg before getting on with more usual Manly chores, such as fetching wood for my fire.

What can be more Manly than a Real fire, of course? One that needs wood to be Chopped for it! Obviously, I Chop Wood too! Well Manly! Especially in the freezing cold, on ones own land.

That I build my fire with. Only tonight, due to some quirk or other, the fire decided to back up and belch smoke into my room. Probably due to freezing cold air in the flue. So much smoke I could barely see. I've given up 'Smoking'. I wasn't going to sit here and breath that stuff. I wanted it out of here. What did I do?

I Opened the Window, Wide Open! Let the freezing night air in, to blow the stupid smoke out. I don't care! Here's Proof .....

There. I could, of course, go on ~ and on, and on. But, I feel I shouldn't be spoiling ye with any more such examples of my own own sheer Manliness. I wouldn't want to make ye feel any lesser, as ye grow ever more concious of that silly paper hat on ye head there. Nor would I want ye wife to be thinking of what it might be like to have a more Manly man for company tonight.


So, having brought ye the true Highlight of ye mundanely same as next doorish little day, I'm off to start slinging my own dinner together. One, same meal as I eat Every day. Chips, chops and one veg. It suits me. I don't need any frills. Not even on your 'Xmass Day'. I mean; Just How fucking Manly can I get?!


Meanwhile, you over indulger's, if ye haven't Yet had a gut full of having another mans overpowering Manliness rubbed in ye faces? Check out The King of Manliness! So Fucking Manly, He Wrote The Book!!!

MADDOX

This guy cracks me up! :D