How Hard .....

Would ye like to slap This stupid bitch?

I'm looking at a 'Birders' forum ~ 'Bird Watchers', if ye not a Birder ~ and just the other day the Moddies ganged up on some guy who showed his Black Lab with a dead Mallard duck in its mouth. Didn't matter that he explained how she'd just died, at eleven years old. And that the duck she had there was one she'd retrieved to him, on command, from a frozen water, so he could inspect it and ensure it was out of its misery after spotting it there.

No. They droned on how this was a Birders forum. And a lot of people there just didn't like seeing " Dead birds ".

..... Err; What?! Ye know, for some years, I was a balls out, hard on'd 'Twitcher'. I'd race to any point in UK, at the buzz of my Pager. Just to get a glimpse of a new, rare bird. Rare? Could be common as shit in Venezuela. But, if one blew into UK? That'd make it Rare as all fuck there. And I'd stop at next to nothing to get to where ever it was. See it. And 'Tick' it on my list of trophies.

One of the last rarities I Ticked was a Bobolink. An American bird. Bit like a sparrow. It had lost its way and got caught in a westerly storm. Blown all the way to Devon. And that's where I rushed to see it. And there it was. Tiny little bird. Perching atop a grass stalk. Swaying in the westerly breeze. And that poor little mite never once looked east. All it could think of was getting back home.

Cross the Atlantic Ocean? Bird that size? Against the prevailing winds?! No fucking way. It was going to try though. It Would try. And its little wings would tire and it'd ditch and drown. Not even half way there.

That's when I started to mirthlessly refer to myself as a " Dead Bird Chaser ". I came to realise, watching that desperate and heart broken little lost bird, that probably most of what we all rushed out to gloat at were, effectively, dead birds.

Oh but, that's all fine, honourable and dandy by a Bird forum. Way to go. Get that Tick. Build that List ..... Fuck all that. I gave up Twitching within a year.

So, then this guy shows his old bitch, doing what she did naturally. They slapped him down, en mass.

Ok. So, tonight I look at a thread in the 'Chat' section. It's called " The Dogs Thread ". Cool! Somewhere people can show and talk about their beloved Dogs, eh? (As long as no dead fucking birds are mentioned. Right?) And what's the first fucking post my eyes fall on? This shit .....


" What's with all the dogs? It's the irresponsible owners I dislike, which unfortunately rolls over to a generalisation to all dogs and all owners..... (or most anyway)

Dog poo in woods, argghhhhh, dog poo in plastic bags left hanging on trees, inexpressible rage! Dog owners who have no command over their dogs and let them run amongst groups of children with no consideration for any of them, gets the steam pouring out my ears that does

However, I do see the cuteness in some of them. :-)

Cats all the way for me - loving when they can be bothered, blank you when they can't, come to greet you at the door when they can be bothered, carry on sleeping if they can't. They keep themselves clean, don't slobber, don't smell. Think for themselves.

I have 2 turkish vans (ahhhhh.....) and they are the coolest, chattiest and prettiest cats ever with ear tufts and mohawks. "


WTF?!? Now, This stupid cunt happens to be some young din' who'd be proud as all fuck to be known as The forums Chief Badger Hugger. And her badgers don't shit in the fucking woods? Oh, no. Of course. As she'd have it; 'They dig latrines .....' Is that so? Well, Miss Read The BBC Wildlife Magazine, get ye PC little arse over here and let me Show Ye badger shit. Great, black, stinking, black heaps of the sticky stuff. Right there on the field side. Not all badgers read your PC shit either, ye know.

And as for all that shit cats are supposed to do ~ so, by implication, Dogs don't? Things like keeping themselves clean, not slobbering, thinking? Yep. Just looked over each of my Dogs. Not a dirty one amongst them. More like Gleaming clean fur. I don't bath these fuckers!

Slobbering? I can think of a Few 'designs' of Dog that can't help but throw spit every where, granted. Poor wrecks of Kennel Club monstrosities. So fucked up by being bred to 'Breed Standard' that they can't do much else But fucking drool their short, miserable lives away. Not that any of my Dogs ~ fit, lean, healthy mongrels that they are ~ drool.

And Thinking, 'For themselves'? This is something I've never been able to comprehend about people who like cats around them. They ALL show such fucking pride in how the cats are 'Superior' to Them! What The Fuck is it with that?!

Best of all though; le Ding cocked his leg and pissed in my kitchen tonight. That's why he's barking now. Because, before he'd even finished, my fucking boot was demonstrating how Very Wrong the notion that he could Piss On ME was. Next thing, he was finding himself dragged outside and put on a chain. He's been out there for Hours now. Shouting to let me know he's there. He can fucking well Wait there! NO Dog pisses in my home and gets away with it!

But, cats? (Who " Don't smell " ?!?) Fucking idiots give them a fucking Tray, often as not right there in their own Kitchens! Where they Prepare the families Food!!! And gaze on the filthy fucking wrecks as they strain and squat and Shit and Piss, right there in their fucking Kitchens!!!!! I'm sorry. This is just Totally beyond my comprehension! WHY would anyone Encourage a fucking animal to shit and piss Inside ones home?! You tell me!

And I don't need to tell what it's like to enter a place where some dirty bastards kept a cat. The stench that assails the senses as soon as ye walk in the door. And I won't bore ye with their crapping in every fucking garden around, except their own. (Get back in that kitchen, ye vile, smelly cunt! Do it there. They brought ye here!)

And, best of all? This is a fucking Birders forum! 'No Dead Birds Here! Might upset some readers!'. Oh; and the annual, pointless, Wholesale, wanton fucking slaughter of nest upon nest full of fledgeling song birds, by kitchen shitting, perfectly well provided for Cats is all well and fucking dandy?

Tell ye what? Next time I see those opalescent green orbs in my cross hairs, just as I move my finger to the trigger of my rifle, I'll deliberately say to myself: " This one's for you. Idiot. "

It'll be a feral cat, of course. But, what's a Feral? 90% of the time, some kitchen stinker out at night, " Thinking for itself "!

Fuck 'em. Bastards.