I'm Never Right In The Fucking Head ....!

 Maybe it's a good sign though ~ that I can recognise it? Maybe it just means I've that little way down the slope yet to slip? Dunno. But; For fuck sake ....!

 I've got this new 'Crow Trap', see? Fantastic piece of kit. They reckon it can take a Raven! Probably could too. Brilliant concept. Ye fold it out, flat, on the field, see? Bury it in and cammo it a bit. Get the fuck out and wait.

 Idea is that what ever crow comes along. Goes to take the bait. And vanishes! One minute, his mates are stalking about. Keeping half a jealous eye on each other. The next? It's like; " Oi! Where the fuck did George go?! "

 Because, this crafty device throws a fucking Tent over its capture! One minute, there's George. Next? A small, brown tent has appeared and George has vanished off the face of the earth. His mates just scratch their heads and don't fuck off till you appear on the scene. Still wondering about George.

 Cool, see? Doesn't spook the others. So, be it for pest control or ringing? It's still a goody. And I set it. Last Sunday. Got a mouse out of my freezer. Drilled a hole through its head. Threaded a wire through that and used it to wire the mouse to the trigger.

 Thinking about it? It's probably pretty cool really that power drilling a hole through a dead rodents head sort of disgusts me. I mean, I'm hardly in the same league as Jeff Dahmer, yet. I find watching all that brain material dust pretty fucking disgusting.

 Anyway, needs must. I brain holed the mouse and wired its frozen body to the trap. Set the trap and fucked off. End of the day? No crow. Cest la vie. I'm a big boy now and I can take it.

 Can't leave the trap out there though. Because badgers would come and trash it. So, I figured I'd just clip the wire off and throw the dead mouse down. Let who ever get it.

 On second thoughts? Why? I'd most likely be trying again on Monday. Why chuck this, perfectly good, mouse away? Fuck it. It was only over night .....

 So, I brought the trap in here. Put it up in its customary place, above my bed, to dry out. Thought no more of it.

 Till Tuesday. I was walking the Dogs up the track and was semi consciously meditating on how well I'd melded into my solitude. Me. My creatures. The wild creatures around me.

 I really not only have no need for human companionship. But, it's really just as fucking well! Because, here I am, walking up the track. Fully aware that there's a dead fucking mouse in the room I live, sleep and eat in. And I Really couldn't give a fuck about it!

 The worst thing was, Knowing how Wrong this was. And yet, equally knowing that there was no way I was doing anything about that dead fucker, when I came home again!

 At that point, I remember thinking how any vague possibility of me ever again living with a fellow human being was really just out the fucking window! I don't want to know Any dirty cunt who'd sleep with a dead mouse!

 So, that was Tuesday. Thing had been out of the freezer since Sunday morning. Sure enough, I came back here and completely ignored the fact that I knew damn well there was a rotting corpse in the room.

 Tuesday passed. Wednesday came and went. Night time temperatures, in here with the stove on, were averaging 75F +. Early hours of Thursday, I woke up to The Most fucking appalling tang in the air!

 It was burning my nostrils and searing my lungs. Try as I might, I couldn't seem to sleep through it. I figured that corpse had gone over. Now it was filling the room with its stench.

 I did consider just getting up and putting the trap outside the door. Up out of badgers reach. Couldn't be bothered. Just lay there, breathing this fire in.

 When I finally got up and checked the dead mouse? Sure enough. It left a wet patch when I lifted it. Totally fucking minging! I side cut the wire and launched the stinking blob off across the ditch. Less than ten seconds? 

 Why hadn't I done that, days ago? Just slung the dirty fucker? I don't know. But, one thing I do know?

 I'm Never Right In The Fucking Head!