Sat here, today, just piddling about harmlessly. Mind relaxing. And the Isle of Wight popped into my head. From my childhood.
I may have been anywhere between about eight and ten, at the time. I doubt an elephant could remember That far back.
But, anyway, I was very much still a kid. My Dad made regular, long, late drives. Taking Dogs to races.
So, when I found an unfurled ~ thankfully, as yet, unused ~ Durex in his bedside drawer? It needed some thought. Like; WTF Is This?
God knows how. But, I somehow worked out that this thing was willy orientated. Why would Dad put this thing on his willy?! Willys are for peeing with. Right?
So, I thought about it a bit. And I cracked it! It's late at night. Dad's driving home, alone, from somewhere. He wants to pee.
No problemmo! He simply whips out one of these things. Puts it on his willy and pees into it!
(Look; Black and white Television was a big thing, back then. No fucking smart phones. Nine year old kids were Kids!)
So, school trip to the Isle of Wight. We've done the thing. Seen the sights. Advised that there's the loo's, before get back on the coach.
And there's a Durex machine in that loo! Wow! Could this be my time to shine? Show my school mates a thing or two?
What's still almost as consternating, to this day, is that a couple of lads of my own age were rolling on the fucking floor ~ figuratively! ~ as I pondered my possible purchase.
" Look! " They howled. " Ditch is gonna buy a johnny bag!!! "
Over brained cunts were destined for Grammar School, anyway.
But, yeah. Today, it drifted back to me. And I actually considered the possible consequences. What if I had?!
Fuck knows how I'd have kept it on my flaccid little dick. But, if I'd just clutched it in place. And peed ....?
Just envisaging the teacher, like the fucking Bomb Disposal Squad: " Ditch, listen to me very carefully. How far down your trouser leg is it hanging ....? "
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