Bought Some Paint .....

 Yeah. I know. 'Fucking Whoopee!'. About as exciting as watching the stuff dry. True. Only, there's a couple of points involved here which struck me such as that I thought them worth a mention.

 First thing is that it's taken me fucking years to buy this stuff. Why? Because I couldn't suss the colour.

 It's my internal doors, see? All the (original) doors in this place appear to have been painted the same colour. A sort of cream. Of course, generations of turf smoke and so on has altered some of them to more like mustard. But, I was after this cream shade.

 So it is, I've literally spent fucking Years now, bringing home paint strips from town and trying desperately to match this colour. I've always focused on the 'corn' and 'beige' side of things, of course.

  So many shades to choose from! Such arse hole names. " August Sun Kissed Corn " ? No. Too yellow. " Saharan Desert Sand " ? Nah. Bit too to the brown side of the scale. This old door's definitely some sort of cream.

 And so it's gone on. For Ever! Doing my head in till I've given up in despair. Only to rally, ages later, and start having another go at it. Fleetwood. Dulux. Crown. I've tried the lot. " Dawn Mist ". " Ivory Cream " " Soft Linen ". No! Not quite. 

 Then, last week, I brought a new, big, Crown booklet home. Pages of exotic colours. I set too, creasing the pages so I could hold the little squares against my door. Same result; Nothing quite fitted.

 Then, I came to a page called something like " Basic Colours ". And there was a creamy looking sort of shade. Crease. Hold. Examine. Fuck!!!

  And there was my colour. Fucking " Magnolia " !!!!! I could've kicked my own arse into town and back! How blind could I be?

 Work it out: This place is fucking ancient. It was a bog standard, farming families home. These doors were probably last painted about fifty years ago!

 Imagine it, can't ye? Owner strolls into the hardware shop. Asks for some paint for his internal doors. " Yes, sir. Well, in Gloss, we have white. Black. Green. Red. Blue. Oh; Or this definitive new shade. It's really catching on here. It's called 'Magnolia'. All the rage, sir. "

 See? No " Ivory Cream " those days. Ye just got ye basics. How did I Not work that one out?! FFS. Paint my fucking doors now!

 Oh, yeah, and that's the other thing. Half a gallon of gloss paint? €30.00!!! Thirty fucking euro's?! Spoiled my fucking day completely!

 Dawned on me though; Gloss paint? Oil paint, isn't it? Fucking oil in it? Gonna cost a fortune. Mentioned this to the kiddie behind the counter. Of course, him being so young and abreast of the times, he just said;

 " Well, yes, sir. Anything, these days, based on petro' chemicals is going to be at a premium price. " 

  Scary.