Where do I even start then? " The Beginning " would entail my relating my entire fucking life story. So, let's just say I had a 'Snapper', before.
Common Snapping Turtle, Chelydra serpentina, for those who may need to check this shit out. I had to give my first one up up, due to my health at that time. But, I've always craved a replacement.
January, 2017, I found one I could get my hands on. Taxi!!! So, a five hour, €120.00 taxi ride later, I was back home, from North Antrim, with my new Snapper. €80.00 and barely out of the fucking shell!
Here he is, modelling beside a €1.00 coin. At 23.25mm, a Yo is just a shade bigger than a quid:
Scary muvva, eh? I not only got near him, at that stage; I'd even think nothing of picking him up! Even a month later, as he grew .....
Cute as fuck, eh? It was great fun, feeding him little flakes of meat, from the forceps. Watching him valiantly ripping a scrap of beef apart, with his little beak and claws.
I had him in an 18" tank, then. One I'd bought for him. That was Jan, '17.
By the middle of The year, I'd had to build him a bigger tank. I made him a 36" long one. 10" high. 17" wide. Something he could grow into. Here he was, at one end of his own football pitch:
" Teabag " is prospering! I'd long since figured on this. I didn't get him on a fucking whim. 'To amuse the kids'. We're together for ever, now.
I call him " Teabag ", incidentally, because it occurred to me that I'd pay fucking good money, to see any cunt try to 'Teabag' him, in his tank! LOL!
He's growing nicely now. Nearly eight inches each way. And anything approaching the surface of his water is treated as food!
But, that's what actually prompted and inspired me to write this. The insanity of the concept which finally dawned on me, tonight. When I fed the Dogs.
See; My Dogs, like Teabag, are fed on raw flesh and bone. Their natural diets. And, I basically do this by walking into this room, where Teabag lives, and chucking handfuls of meat around. Dogs know their spots and eat what I throw to them.
Obviously then, once I disappear out the kitchen, at the appointed time. Make the usual, chopping sounds, then open that door? Each Dog knows the score and is bouncing around in its spot, eager to catch what I throw it.
Classical 'Pavlovs Dog' shit, yeah? My Dogs are conditioned to expect feeding, at a certain hour. As soon as I start doing certain, routine, shit. They Know it ends with food coming their way. They get excited, in anticipation, and jump about excitedly. So what?
Only, here's the fucking kicker! Those same Dogs are given to play fighting much of the day too. Jumping around, getting excited. Teabag can see this, from his tank. I guess he can hear it too? He remains sanguine.
Yet, bang on the hour, the moment I announce it's feed time and come back into this room, chucking meat around? I've realised fucking Teabag is jumping around in his tank too!!!
He runs up and down the glass. Rearing up, ready to grab anything from the surface. Very clearly extremely aware of me. Focused and excited!
But, what the fuck?! I've Never fed him, along with or at the Dogs feeding time! He has absolutely no reason to have developed a Pavlovian response to their getting fed.
Except that; His little, turtle brain has actually figured out that these other things, in this room with him, are like him. Some strange, hairy, long legged Land Turtles. And They're getting fucking fed, like he does!!!
The bastard actually Recognises that it's Meat ~ the stuff He loves eating ~ that I'm chucking to the Dogs! And, he Wants some! Clearly, if I let him get on the floor, at feeding time? He'd be scuttling after what I was throwing the Dogs!
Now, I don't know about you? But, I find that pretty fucking cool!
Fucking turtle, that's only Ever known existence within a glass box, has managed to figure out that completely unconnected life forms, with which it's never had Any association what so ever, are not only getting food. But, they're getting the sort of food he likes too!
Beats the shit out of a fucking Goldfish, doesn't it?
That 'Cute Little Fucker', Tonight
" What About Mine?!? "
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